When you were a child, did you ever long for adulthood? Did you ever look at the older people in your life and wish you could be just like them? I know I did and if you’re anything like me, you probably had your life planned out by the time you were fifteen. I thought I’d be a teacher, married by twenty-five, first kid at twenty-six, second at twenty-seven, and twins at twenty-nine. An easy, peaceful, and simple life with my family. So what the heck happened? Well as you probably know from your own experiences, life happened. The universe has a funny way of humbling you and your plans. Turns out, I was very naive and there’s a lot more to being an adult than just “playing house.” And after living for 31 years, I’ve learned a lot about what being an adult is and what it isn’t.
ABSOLUTE FREEDOM vs FREE WILL
When we’re younger, it’s easy to assume adults are living the life. Between TV shows and movies, social media, and the shielding and sheltering our own adult figures impose on us as children, we’re not often privy to the nitty gritty behind the scenes work that comes with adulthood. As such, I thought being an adult meant being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And trust me, it’s not like I didn’t see how people in my life struggled sometimes; I guess I just thought I could learn from them and do better. I wasn’t aware of just how limiting circumstances can be. If I had my way I would pick up and leave the country right now and explore the world for a good month or five – my bank account definitely says otherwise. A late teens version of me would be debilitated by my lack of disposable income, but I’ve learned over time that the freedom adulthood offers is being able to do whatever I can to change my circumstances. I may not be at a point in my life where I have the absolute freedom to drop everything and travel or buy whatever I want, but I can go back to school, learn a new skill, start a business, or do what I can to make traveling the world a reality. And in the meantime, I can always exercise my free will by having ice cream for breakfast. Because, as an adult, who’s gonna stop me.
EASY BREEZY vs HARD WORK
From being in school since before we can remember all the way up to potentially grad school, life is just school, school, school, work, work, work. Or at least that’s what it seems like when you’re young. I don’t know about you but I couldn’t wait to be done with school so I could just live my life, be free and take it easy for the rest of forever. I thought that was the promise of adulthood. With all my newfound knowledge, most things adult life has to offer should come much more easily to me, right? I mean my frontal lobe is fully developed so in theory, learning new things, executive functions, confrontations and normal conversations should be easier now. Any new venture I have or idea that pops into my head, I should be able to wave a magic wand and it should just come to fruition. If only. Turns out, it was just out of the frying pan and into the fire. Nevermind working toward dreams and goals, just the normal day to day maintenance of life will have you busy enough. Between working to pay all your bills, keeping a clean and organized home, and investing in a thriving social life, adulthood can have you burnt out in ways you never imagined. Make no mistake, adulting is hard work, but with the right systems in place, it’s definitely manageable. Find a way that works for you and stick to it. And remember, anything worth doing or having, is worth putting in the time and effort for. What you put into it, is what you’ll get out. And what could be more worth the effort than your life. So be prepared to work.
RAGING HORMONES vs EMOTIONAL MATURITY
I was a sensitive kid and a lot of things affected me deeply. And with a family full of jokesters who liked to tease and poke fun, developing a thicker skin was a necessity. I wish I could say I was successful but we all know how confusing and dramatic puberty can be. It seemed like every little thing was the end of the world. And to be fair, as an adolescent, with a limited worldview and perspective and a healthy dose of raging hormones, it’s no wonder it felt like the sky was falling everyday. But I thought being an adult meant I’d instantly have a handle on all my emotions and things would just roll off my back. Guess what? I’m a sensitive adult. And a lot of things affect me even more deeply. The difference now is that I’m held to a much higher standard of coping with those emotions. As adults we are responsible for our own emotional wellbeing, whether we let our feelings consume us and take over our lives, or work through them in a mature way and come out stronger on the other side. And believe me, emotional maturity does not come overnight. Like most things in adulthood, it takes work, intention and maybe – definitely – a lot of therapy. But the more you practice embracing your emotions, recognizing your triggers, and facing situations head on, the easier it becomes and in time your feelings add to your strength rather than being an overwhelming, all consuming hindrance. Just take it from me; gone are the days when I stormed to my room and slammed the door, crying myself to sleep… okay maybe sometimes. But that’s okay too. Crying is cathartic!
CONCLUSION
All in all, I thought adulthood would be an endless party of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with an endless flow of cash. But it’s really an endless party with a hell of a lot of responsibility. You win some and you lose some. At the end of the day, the most important thing I’ve learned about adulthood is that life is really what you make it. We are all new to this and making it up as we go! There’s no “right way” to be an adult. That’s the beauty of it. As I continue on my journey through life, I will mourn the ways I thought my life would go and be grateful for the ways it has and will turn out. In the meantime, in between time, I’ll keep learning all I can. And I encourage you to do the same.